break downs

are opportunities for engineers. It's where the trouble shooting comes in and true engineering mindset shines through.

Yesterday I went into the hydraulics lab to check on the pipe network we had used the other day to study head loss. Inside the lab were some mechanical engineering friends of mine. They were on the otherside of the system, the side we civil engineers would be using later that night to study minor losses from things like venturis and nozzles. The transducer was taken apart, and my friend Awesome (his name is really Mozim or something Russian, but we can never remember nor pronounce it correctly so we call him Awesome) was working on it.

Me: "What're you doing here, Awesome?"
Awesome: "Trouble shooting."

Me: "For a class or did they pay you?
Awesome: "Senior Project."

For those who don't know, Senior Project is a capstone course for undergraduates which is either some sort of research, design, or other type of real life project. Our broken equipment (well, the ME's use it for fluid dynamics, we use it for hydraulics) was part of someone else's graduating project. What an inspiration.


Well, if you follow the last post, you should know I've been breaking down. Life is just rough. This whole week it was almost as if I imploded. I was behind on all my 16 units of classes, and the pressure peeked on Thursday when a lab report was due. Our instructor has industry standards, so he's quite a stickler on those reports. Needless to say, I ran out of time and had to turn in a poopy report. By the time lab came around I was pooped and could barely focus on the lab, it went by in a snap.

That night I felt broken. Moreover, I was angry. I was angry at myself for letting things get so bad. And I was angry, I felt James' ordeal incredibly unfair. To him and to those who love him. "Life's not fair" resounded in my mind. With each ringing it got louder and angrier. The drive home on the freeway was slow riding--trying to keep calm and save on gas. There were tons of wreckless drivers, several weaving in and out. "What the f*k you rushing around for? Is your life ending tomorrow?"

I boiled over and by the time I got home I was just angry and I told Khanh. I was tired and pissed off at life. Completely broken down.

I gathered myself and road my bike over to Khanh's house *mind you, this was around 8-8:30 pm. I rode out my frustration. Pushing down on the pedals. I wore myself down to the point I didn't have the energy to be angry. I became somewhat carefree and started acting silly all night. We went over to the Bella Terra to meet with her friends (and surpisingly some of mine showed up). Everyone had a good time, there was laughing and smiling. Arrogant of me, but Im proud to say I caused a good amount of that laughter.

Later Khanh drove me home and I went to bed fairly easily that night--which has become rare.

This morning I was determined to quit foolish sulking and wasting time. After wasting a couple of hours in the morning I showered and drove over to Khanh's to get my bike and ride to Starbucks, where I spent the rest of the day doing Hydraulics homework. Mind you this past week, I turned in half-done-half-assed hydraulics homework because I put it off too long (rather I was busy doing other homework and assignments for the other 13 units). I came home to dinner with my family and then I ended up here.

Today, like every day for these past months there were times I was on the verge of tears just thinking of my beloved God Father. At times wondering who would be there to guide me, as he is not only my God Father, but also my Confirmation Sponsor. But after my shower this morning, I clothed myself in fortitude. Taking the picture of him and I at my baptism off the wall and using it as a shield. I took my rock of fortitude (literally a rock with the word fortitude and a cross on it) and put it in my breast pocket. I have had one of the most productive days I've had in a while.

I can't scan that picture of James and I just now, as I need to get my cable to scan it, but I want to tell you about it. This is James when he was 22. He still had a lot of his hair (it was done up DBZ style) and he was still buff and had a goatee. He has on black shirt with brown tie, the black makes him look not-so-bulky (I remember him looking bulky most of the time) and he has a great smile. His arm is clenching myself to him. I remember I was a shy and distant kid back then, not yet adept to taking pictures with others. I was happy too.

And, James, if you ever get a chance to read this I want you to know. This is how I see you. No matter how you may feel or what your actual physical appearance might be. This is you and I can't look at you any other way. So rest assured, though our time on this earth is fleeting, there is no difference. You are the one who made me confident in the Lord. And the Lord tells me this, though you may move on ahead of me we will definately meet again. I'll do all I can to learn and love the Lord so that some day I might be where you are going.