break down

seems everything nowadays is breaking down.

i did today. i'm simply terrified of the future i have to face.

i'm terrified of spending money. i do way too much of it. i love to take my girlfriend out. we take turns paying but each time i clench my teeth.

you know the phrase some people say to those they love, "I want to give you the world!"

this world, I'm afraid, is not something I'd want to give, not in the state it is in now, nor the state it will be in very soon and farther into the future.

sure, the world is grand, but we humans sure have funny ways to screw it up.


i am absolutely terrified.

my dad pays 800 dollars for some damned pills just to stay alive and "well," over a thousand dollars just for the insurance so he can pay that much. what income does our household make? what with other expenses including my school, the books, the gas... food, i'm sucking the funds right out of my family and i simply can't take it anymore.

prices will continue to climb, if you don't understand how or why, do a quick google search and see what's going on in the world today. i feel like i'm about to go belly up.

each day in the classroom... this summer it's engineering economics, analysis of indeterminate structures, hydraulic engineering, and technical communications... each hour, it's like a new weight put on your shoulders. it's not just work load, but responsibility given to you. that's what education seems to do. sure, it makes you stronger, but how much burden can you take?

today i buckled under the load.