sometimes

you wake up from a bad dream... and feel like you're in a worse one, only it's not a dream.

Happy Birthday Jimmy

I Philipians, 1:27-30

Only, conduct yourselves in a way worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that, whether I come and see your am absent, I may hear news of you, that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind struggling together for the faith of the gospel, not intimidated in any way by your opponents. This is proof to them of destruction, but of your salvation. And this is God's doing. For to you has been granted, for the sake of Christ, not only to believe in him but also to suffer for him. Yours is the same struggle as you saw in me and now hear about me.




Father,

I thank you for sending such a shining example to go before me, as you have done so timelessly through Christ and all his disciples, including my god father. Love you.

Amen

end of the quarter

it is the end of the quarter! yes! right?

i don't know, there are many things/events/responsibilities that are just vying for attention and an associated emotion. so in the words of ron burgundy, "I'm in a glass case of emotions."

Today i am on campus @ the lovely cal poly pomona (i'm so sick of being here... well... sort of and not really) waiting for a senior project meeting. the meetings at 11:30 am, and I came early...took a sweet nap in my car, had my body pillow and ...erm... what do you call that pillow you use for your head? regular pillow? I had my body pillow and regular pillow. the body pillow kept me warm and the regular pillow... well i just delight in snuggling in soft things. when i was young one of my greatest joys was lavishing myself in a nice cool comforter, but i digress. after the nap i came to the campus starbucks to organize all the documents i had for senior project.

as you may or may not know, i am the project manager for my senior project. i was honestly dreading doing this organizing, and although i am not totally done, it was not bad. it actually revitalized my fervor (hah! i like to use words out of proper context) for the project. it's like looking at it all and realizing it ain't so bad after all.

which reminds of a conversation i had with Dr. coduto one day after an unproductive weekend (both of us had unproductive weekends). i told him that always help me when i'm in a slump is to clean up my room. so the point is, organization is a beautiful thing. we hate to do it, and man do i mean hate, but it makes life so much easier. seriously. so i think i'm going to take this winter quarter to really get organized, clean my car, my room, organize any and all documents i have from school, job fair stuff, i am going to hit the ground running.



anyways, i am drinking a white mocha cuz i miss my girl. that's her drink. i normally don't like to splurge my washingtons on them, but you know. it's friday. thank god it's friday, really. thanks, god. and thank god for her, but that's the topic of another blog. thanks for reading. stay classy, san diego.

The man crying out in the desert

Sometimes when I feel far away from him, his words bring me back. He helped nourish my faith so much, so when my faith is wilting, I look to him. i've gone a stray so many times. this time, though, i've felt so far away. his words always bring me back, and i can hear him speaking very clearly to me. james was always such a passionate person and extremely devout. everything he did, he seemed to do so well. there was never anybody i wanted to be more like. the title "god father" has never known such a perfect host.

this is the first holiday season without him. i know there're many ailing hearts out there because of this. i hope everyone is handling things alright... i always thought i'd be stronger. you can always know what's right, but it's always trickier putting it into practice. when i read his words, i feel close to him again, yet it's hard to believe i can't just go and see him. you just gotta remind yourself, love is stronger than death.

my dilemma

i used to feel that i had some fairly adequate people skills. i generally do my best to be empathetic towards people. i try to avoid making money or material gain my motivation, and yet that's fine when I'm at home or at church but it doesn't seem to translate well in the "real world."

i don't know, really... i just get the feeling that i'm viewed more and more like this guy:



without the funny =[

ex: @ the last senior project meeting near the end while people starting going off talking and so i wanted to ask another team member if he had the minutes from the previous previous meeting. i just wanted to know if he had done them, not realizing some people would view that as making him look bad.

well you know what? i don't have those kinds of motives, and didn't think it was a big deal that he hadn't sent them out, that's not what matters to me. my motives and motivations aren't that shallow... and yet, i'm pretty sure i'm turning into michael scott (without the funny). as in i'm always saying inappropriate things and... well... yea.

boo

where?

where do our desires come from? i mean, what is it really want and why do we want it? as a catholic, i suppose that's true communion with god. living a life of love, of righteousness, of passion and compassion. i read in a book once, one of our greatest desires is to be close to one another. to know and be known, without judgment, just honesty and understanding.

so why do we get so caught up in so many little things? why can't we all just take time to truly explore why we're here and why we do the things we do? is it because that would be a waste of human experience? tradition tells us to do things this way and so it's done. but where do out traditions come from? why were they formed this way? are we justified in continuing them? you know what? no matter how much "wisdom" human experience gains for its generations, we always have to learn on our own anyway. no one takes their parents' word for truth till they've stepped in the poo themselves.

today i began reading a book called omnivore's dilemma. this book really asks where and why. i really wish i could read through the whole thing at this point, but i really can only skim through for a power point presentation i'm giving tomorrow.

if you have time this coming winter break, or you are simply one of those fortunate to have the time of day to read a book (go figure), this is one you really ought to read. investigative journalism at one of its finest. it may change your life, it may not. if anything, hopefully it makes you more cognitive of your own existence, which i think we honestly all need.