what keeps you going?
is it because someone else is depending on you? do you do it to please someone else? were you inspired by those who came before?
i bottom out pretty hard every now and then. today i feel like a royal screw up with more and more responsibilities catching up with me. so when i search my soul, i ask myself these things.
what is it that keeps me going? what is it that can keep me going?
i wish i could say, those i love are my inspiration that i can keep them in perspective and they help me keep my head up. the truth is, they really just make me worry more. when i search deep down in my soul for the truest answer i can muster, the answer is simply because it's the right thing to do.
and i thought i was going to pull through miraculously with an awe inspiring answer. my answer doesn't make it any easier, but its enough to keep going.
goodnight friends&family, anyone out there. my heart goes out to you.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
Reclaiming my spirit
hello faithful people of the internets.
you may not know, but my spirit's been dwindling within me. which reminds me of a psalm i'd like to share with you:
Psalm 143 - A Prayer in Distress
A psalm of David.
Lord, hear my prayer; in your faithfulness listen to my pleading; answer me in your justice.
Do not enter into judgement with your servant; before you no living being can be just.
The enemy has pursued me; they have crushed my life to the ground. They have left me in darkness like those long dead.
My spirit is faint within me; my heart is dismayed.
I remember the days of old; I ponder all your deeds; the works of your hands I recall.
I stretch out my hands to you; I thirst for you like a parched land.
Hasten to answer me, Lord; for my spirit fails me. Do not hide your face from me, lest I become like those descending to the pit.
At dawn let me hear of your kindness, for in you I trust. Show me the path I should walk, for to you I entrust my life.
Rescue me, Lord, from my foes, for in you I hope.
Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your kind spirit guide me on ground that is level.
For your name's sake, Lord, give me life; in your justice lead me out of distress.
In your kindness put an end to my foes; destroy all who attack me, for I am your servant.
It's a beautiful prayer. Although the last line sounds a bit gruesome, you have to remember the context in which David prayed. Now, I pray his same prayer in a slightly different context. The enemy is the one who pursues my soul.
So, as I said, my spirit has been faint within me, because of all the troubles & weights of life. But many things have inspired me to reclaim my spirit. There are little moments here and there, where I can see god beaming out of the cracks. most notably, my girlfriend has been an inspiration to me.
father, forgive me. i will seek you out like i used to, because my soul cannot find rest anywhere but in you.
amen
you may not know, but my spirit's been dwindling within me. which reminds me of a psalm i'd like to share with you:
Psalm 143 - A Prayer in Distress
A psalm of David.
Lord, hear my prayer; in your faithfulness listen to my pleading; answer me in your justice.
Do not enter into judgement with your servant; before you no living being can be just.
The enemy has pursued me; they have crushed my life to the ground. They have left me in darkness like those long dead.
My spirit is faint within me; my heart is dismayed.
I remember the days of old; I ponder all your deeds; the works of your hands I recall.
I stretch out my hands to you; I thirst for you like a parched land.
Hasten to answer me, Lord; for my spirit fails me. Do not hide your face from me, lest I become like those descending to the pit.
At dawn let me hear of your kindness, for in you I trust. Show me the path I should walk, for to you I entrust my life.
Rescue me, Lord, from my foes, for in you I hope.
Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your kind spirit guide me on ground that is level.
For your name's sake, Lord, give me life; in your justice lead me out of distress.
In your kindness put an end to my foes; destroy all who attack me, for I am your servant.
It's a beautiful prayer. Although the last line sounds a bit gruesome, you have to remember the context in which David prayed. Now, I pray his same prayer in a slightly different context. The enemy is the one who pursues my soul.
So, as I said, my spirit has been faint within me, because of all the troubles & weights of life. But many things have inspired me to reclaim my spirit. There are little moments here and there, where I can see god beaming out of the cracks. most notably, my girlfriend has been an inspiration to me.
father, forgive me. i will seek you out like i used to, because my soul cannot find rest anywhere but in you.
amen
Thursday, February 5, 2009
re-connecting
I've been making a slow effort at it lately. from calling people up @ christmas time, to getting on aim.
it's really tough, but i don't want to be lost and gone forever. i really enjoy my family and friends past and present. miss you guys out there, drop me a line when you can. i'll try and do the same.
it's really tough, but i don't want to be lost and gone forever. i really enjoy my family and friends past and present. miss you guys out there, drop me a line when you can. i'll try and do the same.
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