over the past couple of years

I worked hard... fought w/ all my might... hoping I'd get a chance to relax and breathe. Hoping that I could spend time with those I love. Sometimes you work so hard, and the ones you care about aren't around anymore.

This is a reminder to myself: whenever you get the chance to share time with someone you care about, do it. Don't wait, they can be gone in an instant... I really regret not taking any extra steps to try and spend time with Jims. There were so many things I wanted to ask him, to tell him. I still need a God father to guide me, especially now. I'm really struggling to find some solid ground, at least on the inside.

I guess on the outside things seem to be going great. But there's a lingering sense of despair in my mind. Not because I am worried about graduating or getting a job or any of that.... I'm still learning what it means to be human, but the more I seem to find out, the more I seem to lose myself... if that makes sense...

After so much spiritual development, so much self reflection... I never thought I'd be so far from understanding who I am supposed to be.

my goodness

how time does fly. just a year ago, i would never have imagined being where i am--not sure yet whether that's good or bad. i suppose God has a plan, hopefully i'm not doing anything to hinder it.

i just wanted to take the time to say how busy i've been with school and how it's made me feel so detached from who i am/used to be... and how much i miss those who've passed. miss you Six, Jims.

I can't believe how much my life has changed since that day I asked to be set free and I slammed my tC into the 57's center divider. I hope I can hang on to what I want to be and let go of things that keep me from God's plan.

you may think I talk a lot about God all the time. but the truth is, this blog is my way of forcing it out. i know deep down in my heart how much i love God, but in honesty the clutter & debris from disasters has covered that up pretty well.

love you God, I miss living in your grace and I miss your beloved children who've gone before me.

angels

With the tragic loss of Nick Adenhart, the Angels press on to face the Redsox. They say there's something about baseball that helps guys get over things. I think they're right.

But my heart is heavy tonight. There is so much sorrow in this world, and this goes beyond just Nick. So, Jesus, thank you for what you did for us, and remember us.

self control

i read an article headline that said "children who lack self control are more prone to obesity."

hmm... i'd like to take that a step further to say that those who lack self control are more prone to depression.

i know, b/c my own faults & failures get me down, and they often come from a lack of self control. be it physical or mental fitness--to me it all comes down to self control & will power.

sometimes i feel like i have a will of iron, or fire, or all those other strong images of will... but sometimes i'm just that lost and lonely soul seeking cover.

being human is an amazing experience, isn't it?

No more lowercase!

hahaha I just looked up how to disable the all-lowercase text that my template had. I'm such a noob =).

shogun

gives you courage to overcome life's obstacles.

i had a very humbling experience when i opened up my inbox today. sometimes you keep a blind eye to people who may look up to you, trying not to inflate your ego. but you can't really do that, because someone who looks up to you... looks up to you. we lead each other.

i haven't been very proud of myself lately... heck, when am I ever proud. but there's a definite bit of peace that i'm lacking. it's not school, family, church or any one subject that's bogging me down. it's balance that i seek! i am terrible at balancing things out. i try to stay level but i've never had good balance. i've been devoting so much to school, that everything else seems to be going to heck.

i guess i've tried to make up for that during this spring break. i've spent time with family, friends, neighbors. i've done some cleaning, some fixing, and too much eating. now it's time for me to start to get back into the school groove, because it's gonna come up on me like a raging tiger! so in a couple of minutes i'll be working on a sewer interceptor design, yum!

i owe thanks to those who 'look up to me' and to those i look up to... you guys give me courage, and remind me to find my center once i wander off.

ub-seh-shun

bicycles & the angels

my ubsehshun. dammit, i hate ubsehshuns.