hear me roar, louder than before

A voice of one crying out in the desert: 'Prepare the way of the Lord, make straight his paths.'

Do we really prepare the way of the Lord? This is what we set out to do, right? I am so sinful, yet in my heart I desire to be with God... what is right, what is wrong? What is direction, what is misdirection? Are these words, though louder, falling on deaf ears?

The way of the Lord is simple, love. That is our goal. To say "Love God above all things and love one another as [Jesus] has loved [us]" can often be so confusing. Who is this God who seeks our love? Who is Jesus and how did he love us?

Let's go a little off the path to try and answer this... Have you ever met a person who cannot accept failure? Who works hard and wants everything to be perfect? To some extent that's me, but it's something I've been trying to change. Failure is inevitable, so what happens when you fail? Fail a test? Fail a friend, a loved one? What happens when it seems as if you can never get anything right? Well for the most part our past failures are now out of our hands. Our pains, our regrets of yesterday are merely that--yesterday. I am not saying to discard it, that would just be foolish, to forget how and why we fail. Today is in our hands, not yesterday. Today forges a new tomorrow. Never give up, never lose hope. Take life one step at a time.

One of the best things I heard from yesterday's retreat was from Sean Masero, a youth minister @ St. Columban, it was actually a tweet from Rev. Run (DMC)about never giving up, "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on."

Love is not black and white, sometimes we'll falter and sometimes we'll triumph, but love propels us forward. More than that, faith, hope and love propel us forward. Not with delusion, but understanding & humility in the truth that we are just a small piece of such a seemingly infinite universe, yet we can make a difference.

Waking up in the morning.

Last weekend while I was at mass, they played a very familiar song:

Open my eyes, Lord
Help me to see Your face
Open my eyes, Lord
Help me to see

Open my ears, Lord
Help me to hear Your voice
Open my ears, Lord
Help me to hear

Open my heart, Lord
Help me to love like You
Open my heart, Lord
Help me to love

And the first, shall be last,
and our eyes are opened,
and we'll hear like never before.
And we'll speak in new ways,
and we'll see God's face
in places we've never known.

I live within you
Deep in your heart, oh, love
I live within you
Rest now in me

A little long, but you get the point. So I was sitting in mass right when they were announcing this song and I turned to Mom (Dion) and said "This song's about waking up in the morning."

Oh we shared the Lulz. But now that I think about it, it is both funny and true. It's a great way to start the morning--asking God to open ourselves to the day, to know his will and live life prayerfully in thanksgiving and praise.

changes...

Been through a lot in quite a while, posted them on facebook notes... but I guess it's time to work the blogger... soooo new format, enjoy!

hurt

Condemn me for my lack of faith, but I seek you sincerely. Once, my greatest friend, I'm still trying to figure out just who you are.

why do I still cry?

I'm getting older. It's been almost a year. I should be happy, but it still hurts like hell.

Man, get that corn outta my face

So today I met up with a Cal Poly friend at the Starbucks nearest my house. Naturally, I rode my bike. On the way back, I heard a familiar honking. It was none other than the wandering Mexican corn/snow cone cart.

Naturally, picked me up a couple of these beauties--->

The picture is courtesy some other blog (hint, google images mexican corn mayonnaise chili), but it's authentic!

The nice cart man had a hard time understanding my English, but I eventually got him to whip me up 2 sticks of corn. I got one with chili and one without (for my niece, who I saw like 20 minutes later).

"¿Como se cuentan?" I asked in a very convincing accent.

He did a double take, eyeing me suspiciously as if to say, "ow come joo deed not speak to meet that way earlier?"

But all he did say was, "Three dolors."

So I started riding back home with 2 plates of corn in my left hand. Saw my neighbor, Frank, across the street standing in front of his house, inspecting the people fixing his roof.

Yelled out, "Hey Frank!"

He didn't hear me.

Tried to ring my bell with my right hand (it's on the left side of my handlebars). My palm was muting it. Turned around and tried again.

Was going too fast... lost control... took a spill... but the corn was safe. My knee, skinned... my ankle... it's gonna be sore tomorrow.

He still didn't hear me.

I limped my bike back to my house, cleaned up & patched my knee, and enjoyed my corn. It was worth it.

And now, a piece of quality film:

A cardinal moment

Perhaps its this phase of transition that has me up late at night, sulking in in the nostalgia of memories.

I don't really know what to say--it's almost as if every one of my blogs are exactly the same... just a whole lot of not knowing.

I suppose one thing I can reflect upon is what I've actually striven pretty hard for--to Love people, or "love your neighbor as yourself." I know a big part of love is understanding, so I have tried to step outside of myself so much. But I have done that so much that I don't feel the same nor remember, at times, who I am. I might even go as far to say that I have tried so hard to Love others that I lost site of the commandment that goes just before that: To Love God above all things.

I forget how important that commandment is. You may even say it's almost impossible to "Love neighbor" if you don't know how to Love God. Of course, this is a difficult thing to do... I'm going to leave it at that for now. I'm tired...